After Yayoi Kusama’s “Aftermath of Obliteration of Eternity” (2009)
Too old to sleep together
Lola leaves me in darkness
she is always meant to
balik bayan balik Biñan B A Y A N B U Y A N
B A H A Y B U H A Y
b a h a y a n b u h a y a n
B A Y A N I B U Y A N I
balik buyani
Way the Fil-Am is supposed to say B A Y A N I
is B u y – a h – k n e e
buyani: fluid n. 🡺 v. 🡺 n. 🡺 v. : to be hero by buying
balik: fluid adj. state of return 🡺 to be home 🡺 to be bahay
: to buy flight cab out of bahay when no one
is home
cannot help not being
Lola’s favorite grandchild
siyempre naman Lola leaves
lamps in house all open
not being her favorite Lola leaves
forgetting
I’m too young to be left behind
in her not-favorite country
I’m too old to be afraid of the dark alone
Pamela K. Santos is a Pinayorker writer and artist-scholar working with multilingual materials and archival embodiment. Pamela has received support from the Sustainable Arts Foundation, Oregon Literary Fellowship, Imagining America, Advancing Gender Equity in the Arts, Caldera Arts, Mineral School, and Regional Arts & Culture Council, among others. Her poetry and prose appear in Cultural Weekly, Anomaly, Stoked Words, Tayo Magazine, and elsewhere. She is working on her debut collection Secret Lumpia.