• Marías at Sampaguitas

Poetry by Juliette Sebock

A letter to my ideal self

You, girl, have got it all figured out.

You wake up with a smile and greet the day,

sit outside in a morning breeze and sip a coffee,

study its reflections of the trees.

You work when you want to, on what you want to,

but still those bills all get paid and you save

save save.

You open those bank apps and smile

because it feels like safety

and abundance

and like you'll never try to find

the cheapest ways to be again.

You stretch and strengthen and your body reacts,

mucles and tendons and ball joints moving in unison

to do what a body's supposed to.

If movemeny does hurt, you're gentle

and you rest.

You sleep through the night and at normal times,

and it doesn't take hours of effort

or oils and pills

or pounds of weight pressing you into the mattress

to get your brain to shut with your eyelids.

You don't wake up at four o'clock

fearing long-gone demons.

You eat all the delicious food,

foods you have unlimited access to,

with nutrients I could only imagine.

Fresh fruits and vegetables and treats,

and you don't worry about weight because

crisps do not a meal make.

You write things that people want to read,

and people want to pay you for.

Your books are on shelves, in stores,

and you stumble across pictures of them

as you scroll through the depths of the internet.

So you type and you scribble

and you keep sending them into the world,

and the world is a little bit better for it.

You're in love

and they're the perfect one for you,

and they want to be with you.

Better yet, they love you too,

and you both know it and accept it

with open arms.

You are happy—

Life is good—

And those two things aren't dependent on each other.

Juliette Sebock is the author of Mistakes Were Made and has work in publications including Royal Rose Mag and Cauldron Anthology. She is the editor-in-chief of Nightingale & Sparrow and runs a lifestyle blog, For the Sake of Good Taste. When she isn't writing (and sometimes when she is) she can be found with a cup of coffee and her cat, Fitz. She can be reached at her website and across social media at @juliettesebock. She is a regular contributor of Marías at Sampaguitas.

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