Yelling
You’re such a little bitch! You know that with your grades you’ll never get into a good school!
the yelling
the yelling
the yelling
it never seems to stop
This is why you don’t have friends! No one likes a stupid girl! Even to that friend you just saw, you were a bitch!
I don’t think I can drown out the sound of anything else like I can your voice
it’s like a drilling
a pounding
an ache of a tooth I keep sucking on
You’ll always be useless! How can you not understand this fucking math problem?!
sometimes I wait for the night your acidic words won’t be enough
the night where you take that balled-up fist and drive it through my cheek
maybe then I can call it abuse
verbal abuse can’t be used in a court ruling
emotional abuse can’t be used anywhere
but physical abuse is the key to getting me out of here
You’re the worst child in the world! I wish I never had such a stupid child like you! I wish I never have to see you again!
and then it came
the force that knocked a few teeth lose
that loosened one enough to come out
this I can use in court
Was it wrong of me to wish for physical abuse? All I wanted was to be free. To be able to have proof to leave.
Tiny Tanaka is a poetry and prose writer, recovering addict, Hafu-sprinkled with Korean heritage, lesbian, who happens to have borderline personality disorder. They fight for intersectional feminism, LGBT+ rights, and to end the stigma of mental illnesses. They are a regular contributor to Marías at Sampaguitas.
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